Yearly Archives: 2011

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from someone who’s been there

On our recent road trip, I couldn’t help but get sucked into some celebrity gossip while passing the time. If there’s anything I’ve learned this past year it’s that I’m in no place to judge any other person for their life. But, with that said, it’s shocking to me to read of celebrities who have lavish, public weddings only to change their minds 72 days later and file for divorce.

Our culture has cheapened the covenant of marriage. Instead of a permanent, lifetime bond, marriage has now become a trial – if it fits, wonderful; if not, just take it back off and throw it aside! Divorce used to be likened to a curse word; the simple utterance of it bringing a distaste to the mouth. Now, divorce is a common word – and it breaks my heart.

Is divorce as simple as some celebrities make it out to be? Does it even have lasting implications? Or is it easy? For me, it was real and destructive in these ways…

1. Financially – I only preferred my lawyer to do the bare-minimum for me, but with lawyers, everything costs. During every phone call, every email, and every meeting the clock is ticking and the calculator is adding up. I literally turned over my entire final paycheck to my lawyer. I remember selling  my entire library of beloved books to pay yet another attorney bill. I got another job working at a salon during the holidays to continue paying those bills. Divorce is not cheap. If it’s anything like mine, the cost will be in the thousands.

2. Time – From the first time I met with my lawyer to the date I received the signed divorce decree back from the judge was five long months. Struggling through a divorce was extremely painful for me. I knew the marriage was over and biblically speaking, it was irreparable – so to just sit around and wait was difficult. I longed to have my maiden last name back and to start working towards discovering who I was again. I wanted to be done arguing over real estate, the separation of bills, and our material goods. Time was the enemy. After everything I’d suffered through – I just wanted it to be over. 

3. Family Relations – It hurts to lose people and it hurts to lose in-laws, whether they be mothers, grandmothers or sisters. Divorce is painful during the holidays. It’s difficult letting go of old traditions and forming new ones. (My incredible new husband has helped me so much in trusting people again and not being so skeptical of their love towards me. He is my hero.)

4. Disappointments – mine and others. I remember speaking with a friend who took over the youth ministry with her husband after us. She told me, “The teenagers are really hurting. They keep saying, ‘Marriage means nothing anymore. If ____ and Jen couldn’t make it last, then who can?'” That phone call took the wind out of my sails. I spent five years trying to be an example to the students I was working with and even though I wasn’t in control of my spouse and his decisions, it still hurt that my marriage had let those kids down. But, looking back – I think through my divorce, I taught them more than I ever did while working in the youth ministry. Because, they were able to watch me at my lowest – praising God instead of cursing him.

5. Material goods – We were living in a beautiful house, but during the divorce neither of us could afford it any longer. We had never missed a house payment, and yet, I ended up having to short-sale my house. I must have spend 30 hours on the phone with my mortgage company and real estate agent in negotiations. Here I was, twenty-five years old, losing a house and trying to sell my wedding ring so I could afford my bills. I put my wedding ring on Craigslist and sold it to an asian man working in a nail salon. Together, Jeff and I followed him across the street to Sam’s club so he could have the jeweler verify that it was real. In the parking lot, I exchanged the ring, for his money and we drove off in the cover of a winter blizzard. It was so surreal. We were driving in slow-motion through what felt like a snow globe and I couldn’t get over the fact that I had just sold my wedding ring. I called my mom and said, “No girl should ever have to do that.”

6. Emotionally – This is where divorce made the greatest devastation in my life. There arn’t enough words to describe the pain and the different ways it took hold on me. I wasn’t the perfect wife, but I was invested in my marriage; I meant what I said during the ceremony; divorce never was a probability. It caught me completely off guard.

In my opinion, divorce isn’t a quick fix, and it’s not a bandaid. I heard once on the radio that divorce doesn’t solve a bad marriage – it’s just like trading in one pain for another, different pain. In my situation, there wasn’t another option, (and God has since blessed me with an incredible new husband) but I want couples to know that far-reaching implications of divorce. For those couples who struggle with continual arguing, please, never throw divorce in each other’s face as a probability! It’s more than a signed decree. It’s more than taking off a ring. It’s real. And it has its costs. 

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the record

On a train traveling to Ludwigsburg, Germany sat a young man. Head in his hands, paying no mind to his fellow travelers, he did nothing to try and stop the large, crocodile tears that fell continuously out of his ocean blue eyes. For twelve hours, miles of landscape passed by the windows and the steam engine continued to hum. Alois squeezed his eyes shut and balled up his fists in desperation.

Though he was only 18, life had lost all of its purpose. There was no longer any rhyme and reason. He had successfully escaped from his communist-led homeland of Czechoslovakia.  But what waited on the other side; freedom and happiness? No. All he had known had been pain, hunger, and disappointment.

He was supposed to be alongside his three friends en route to Australia and a better life. But, his visa had been denied and he was sent back to the refugee camp in Ludwigsburg. He would depart the train there completely and utterly alone; no friends, no family. There was no one in Germany to share his pain and sorrow. His escape had been for nothing. He had left his family back in Czechoslovakia and they did not even know he was alive.

Alois contemplated jumping from the train and ending it all. He felt numb; lifeless. To God, he prayed, “If you are really up there, look at me, what is happening to me? My three friends go to their new lives, and I go back to nothing. I do not have one human being in Germany to go to and I am at the end of my strength.”

Alois is my grandfather and he has an incredible story; a story of disappointments and sorrow, but also a story of God’s passionate love. My grandfather (or as I affectionately call him, “Opa”) penned his story. As I read this section, I suddenly felt a bond form between him and I, which I never knew we shared.

You see, I too sat in a seat, while tears fell constantly down my cheeks, believing my life was over and nothing was left. I shoved my face into the crevice of the seat. For 14 hours on a flight to London I battled my own personal demons. From all looks of it, God had abandoned me.

Without any forewarning, my marriage had fallen apart. My greatest fears had become a reality. My dream job was ripped away. Everything was gone. My heart was broken into countless pieces and I was deeply scarred.

Sixty-one years after my grandfather contemplated the value of his life, I followed in his footsteps. But, thankfully, Opa kept his record.  Yes, it was began as a record of his lowest moment on the train to Ludwigsburg. But, it became a record, which later tells of him meeting my Grandmother in Ludwigsburg. A record of passionate love between a daredevil of a man and his sweet bride.

Without the rejected visa and train ride back to Ludwigsburg, my Opa would never have met my Oma. Without that day, my mom would not exist – and neither would I.

I called Opa the day I read of his suicidal thoughts on the train to Ludwigsburg. He said, “Jeni, you know that was probably the lowest moment of my life. But, as I look back on it now, it was the best moment of my life.”

God has a way of doing that, doesn’t he? We blame him for orchestrating the devastation of our own personal tragedies. And, maybe we are fair to do that. Because, more often then not, He is behind our worst moments. But, while we cannot see past the reality of that single moment of pain, the same box does not bind God. He sees  the glory that awaits. In His tender way, He smiles down on us and says, “I know child. I see. But, please, just wait. just wait…”

Opa and Oma showing me the route of the train to Ludwigsburg, Germany


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unanswered questions

Last year I really felt like in many ways, I lost my innocence. Like my nieve bubble abruptly popped. As if the whole of my life had just been an audition for the reality I was then facing.

The Christian life never guarantees success. The fact is, sometimes the marriage fails, the pregnancy test reads negative again, and the business bombs despite all efforts. Failure (just typing that word puts a bitter taste in my mouth) happens; and often times to those who don’t deserve it.

And then the questions become:

Was the sacrifice worth it? What of the four years I gave to that marriage? I gave so much, yet reaped so little. 

Sometimes, there are no answers, and no simple bible verses to explain why God actually allows the unexplainable.

Depressing? Yes. But, honest and real.

At 25 years old, I experienced divorce and watched my beloved, childhood church building foreclose, despite all efforts. Pain jumped out from the dictionary and became a living, breathing thing, whose grip clawed at me, threatening to chain me up forever.

Maybe your world is falling apart. Maybe there arn’t answers to your situation. But, I know one thing:

James 5:11 “You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.“

TRANSLATION: “God REALLY cares.”

Like little children in the backseat during a road trip, in the midst of suffering, we ask God, “Are we there yet?“; “Am I done with this suffering?”; and “Are we going the right way, God?“.

The truth is – He WILL get us where we need to go. As Galatians 5:9 promises, “in due time”, or God’s divinely appointed date, the suffering will be over.

Two weeks ago, Christian Newsome, the pastor of Journey Church International spoke of my testimony of divorce, recovery, and rediscovered love. It was amazing to realize that only a year ago, I didn’t believe I could ever smile again, much less fall in love again.

I wrote a prayer in the margins of my Bible asking God to give me open doors to share my testimony – that while life can fall apart, God can heal and restore. My story is a story of hope, and my hope is that God will allow many opportunities for me to share my story.

Listen to Pastor Christian’s sermon, “Patience While Suffering” here.

 

 

 

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washed by the water

Jeff and I were honored to photograph and video Journey Church International’s first baptism service this past Sunday.

 Galatians 3:27 “And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes.”

 

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mully’s guacamole

My husband continually amazes me with his fantastic cooking skills. Last week, we had Mexican Night at the Mullikin household. Here’s his secret recipe for Guacamole!

You will need: 4 Avocados, 1 Tomato, 1 Onion, 1 Lime, Sea Salt

First, cut the avocados in half. (Avocados have a large seed in the middle, so you will want to cut to the seed and then spin it. You will then half to “break” it open.) The softer the avocado is, the better.

Remove the seed from the avocados.

Next, gently peel the skin off of the avocado halves. 

In a bowl, mush the avocados with your fingers.

Dice the onion and add to bowl

Dice the tomato and add to bowl

Salt to taste

Cut the lime in half; squeeze into bowl. (The lime will add flavor and keep your guacamole fresher)

Enjoy! Pair with tortilla chips from our favorite grocery store and some strawberry margaritas!

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the easy road

I was fifteen and I had a dream; to be a part of the famed Blue Valley North Lady Mustang’s basketball team. They had just taken home the state championship the previous year. They were revered. And they were cool. For weeks I practiced my free throws while my brother-in-law rebounded the ball, over and over and over again. Neither of us had access to a gym, so we braved the cold with our hoods up and layers on.

And then the long awaited day came. During lunch I followed the other brave teenage girls who had also tried out. We searched the list posted up on the wall. And there it was – JENILEE JOHNSTON. I swelled with pride. Though it was only the freshman team, I was a Lady Mustang! There were new, pearly white jerseys, basketball shoes that squeaked on the gym floor, taped ankles, and sweat. I couldn’t have been more excited.

I wish I could tell you I set a record for the school, or that season started a four-year high school basketball career for me. But, the truth? The truth is that over time, it just got…old. I got tired of spending the majority of the game on the bench. It wasn’t fun anymore to start practice when darkness still engulfed the morning. So I took the easy road.

I quit. 

It’s always easier to quit. Regardless if it’s basketball, a job, or even a marriage. The grass truly does appear greener on the other side and it’s easier to throw in the towel, than to fight. But, what man ever looks back with pride on the day he quit his marriage? What kid is glad she quit school?

Last year, I went through a rough divorce, and since that time I’ve had three women reach out to me – either because they discovered their husbands had been unfaithful or their husbands simply did not desire to be married anymore. I love that I can tell those women, “I’ve been there“, “No, you’re not crazy“, and “You’re going to make it“. But, why is the growing fad among married couples to simply give up? To quit? Is it just the easy way out?

Jude 1:3 says, “I felt compelled to write and urge you to contend for the faith“. Jude wrote to the Christians who felt like giving up on their faith. They were tired of trusting God when all hell was breaking loose. They didn’t feel like going to church when they could use the extra hours of sleep. Jude says, “contend!”. In the Greek it translates, “continue to attack“. I can see Alexander the Great, the man responsible for giving us the ‘common greek’ of the New Testament, shouting at his troops to “continue to attack!” on the battle fields.

Today, don’t take the easy road.

Continue to attack at work. Continue to attack by fighting for your marriage. Don’t give up.

I often wonder about the Lady Mustangs. What if I would have never quit? I don’t think I would’ve set any records. But, I sure would’ve been proud for sticking with it. For fighting through.

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wedding pictures!

The wedding pictures instantly transport me to the day that culminated the most wonderful fairytale ever told in which I played Cinderella. A week of rain and yet the clouds parted for our special day; and I couldn’t help believing that God was shining His blessings down upon us like the sun lit up the eyes of each of our guests. It was a day I will never forget.

I can still remember the details; the way the sand dollars chimed as they swung in the wind, the smile on Jeff’s face, how I forgot to spit out my gum; a certain woman in a red bikini, and the way I felt every single word I said while repeating the vows. Together, we made a covenant to one another before the Almighty. A covenant that will not be broken. 

I described the wedding to my father-in-law as perfect. 

But, as reality hits, the expensive clothing comes off, the beach fades away and we are left with real life. And that’s when love (commitment) really starts. However, I get to fall asleep every night next to the greatest man of all. It won’t always be easy, but he continually puts a smile on my face and simply put – I will love him; today and for the rest of my life. 

Here’s our love story, in case you missed it… (courtesy of Marlon Photography)

If you made it this far – thanks for checking out our wedding pictures! It’s been a wild ride, but God has been faithful and I can’t wait to see what He does next 🙂

I’m just along for the ride. 

-Jen

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wedding recap

I love to write.

I love stringing words together as if stringing diamonds on a priceless necklace.

I love to make pictures with my words. I love to move people through words.

But, with that said, I’ve never been more nervous to write anything as I was to write my wedding vow for Jeff.

How could I possibly find the words to write what he means to me? Suddenly the thought of simple words didn’t do justice to describe how I feel and how deep my promises run. But, writing my wedding vow was also one of the greatest honors and joys I will ever experience.

This week, I am going to post about my wedding – starting with my vow…

Jeff:

How could mere words be used to describe my love for you? For what we possess was surely handcrafted in the heavens long before time began. Before God formed each of us in our mother’s wombs, before He saw every one of our days, we were created for one another. You, Jeffrey Vance, are my other half; in so many ways my better half. The Great Story Teller took His sovereign pen and wrote a tale more beautiful than any before it. You see, only God could bring us back together again. Only God could give me someone as perfect as you.

Jeff, thank you for loving me. I know it must sound clique, but everyday, you make me want to be a better woman. You make me want to be the person God has always intended me to be, and with your love, I am confident I will be that person.

 You found me when I was broken and so hurt, and you took my heart, every last piece of it and so masterfully put it back together again. You lifted me up. You taught me how to smile and how to dream again. You held my hand and led me through the toughest of days. You dried my tears and held me. You kept me going. Jeffrey Mullikin, you are my hero. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You are the most amazing man I have ever known. You have a heart that is unequaled; a smile that can light up my entire day.

 Today I promise to love you for the rest of my days. I promise to be faithful to you and to respect you. I promise to encourage you and to laugh with you. I promise to pray for you and challenge you spiritually. I promise to defend you. I will be your confidant, your cheerleader, your sidekick and your best friend. It will not always be easy, but nothing truly meaningful in life is.

 I love you Jeff; today and forever.

 I am most blessed of all women because I have you.

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the big day

I’m getting married TOMORROW! Words cannot express how BLESSED and OVERJOYED I am. What an incredible year this has been for me. No would could look at my life – how so many pieces have fit together – and say there is no God. Only He could do what has been done.

I just gave Jeff the gift I spoke of in my last post and it was one of the best moments of my life.

So – tomorrow I wear the pretty white dress, walk down the aisle and pledge myself to the greatest man of all. THANK YOU God for giving me this joy. 

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow…

You’re only a day away.