Yearly Archives: 2011

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a master at getting back up

I am almost finished with another awesome book  entitled Bathsheba by Jill Eileen Smith. Buy it here on Amazon.

In her work, Smith recounts David’s infamous sin of 2 Samuel 11, from the perspective of Bathsheba, the young beauty. I am loving the third book in Smith’s series The Wives of King David. These books have brought David and every person he encountered to LIFE for me. So often, I read my Bible – stories I have read hundreds of times…and they just lose their magic. They go from being real accounts of people with feelings alike to you and I – jealousy, love, passion, lust – to simply robotic people who are so far off; from a different time and a different place. They morph into people who are boxed in by black letters on white pages. They couldn’t possibly relate to us, right?

(I remember feeling this way when I traveled to Israel. I knew about the Sea of Galilee; that place where Jesus did some of His greatest works, like walking on water and calming the storm. However, when at last I stood on a boat in that water, it came alive to me.)

In the past, I read about David committing adultery, getting another man’s wife pregnant, and then covering it all up by having the husband secretly killed. (You know you have really screwed up when it takes a run-on sentence to explain what you have done!) Every time I read this story, I found myself thinking, “What a moron! How could he possibly do something so low?” Yet, while I read this story, astonishingly…my judgmental attitude slipped away. Ironically, I found myself having compassion on David and understanding how easily he fell to massive temptation. When he could do nothing to clean up his mess, maybe out of sheer embarrassment…he covered it and tried to forget.

“…let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up…” Hebrews 12:1

The truth is, except for God’s grace, any one of us could be the adulterer or the murderer. Because as the writer of Hebrews penned, sin so very easily trips us up. The most beautiful part of this book, is David’s soft heart of repentance when he is confronted with what he has done.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation…” Psalm 51

David may have fallen harder and deeper into sin than you or I ever will ever venture to go, but what I admire about David – he was always SO quick to repent and come back to God after his failures. What an example. David was the master of getting back on his feet. David knew how to hold his head high, brush the dust off and move on.

Because, if God forgives, why can’t we?

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when He doesn’t show up

It was during one of his travels when the shocking, urgent news reached Jesus that one of his very best friends, Lazarus, was dying. As Lazarus’ body grew more weary each day and his eyes seem to sink deeper within his forehead, his sisters, Mary and Martha, held out hope.

These siblings had watched Jesus – with their very own naked eyes – as he had healed hundreds. He could heal Lazarus too! But the clock was ticking, and they were running out of time.

“So, although Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, he stayed where he was for the next two days.”

My heart breaks when I think about Mary, sitting on the edge of Lazarus’ bed, watching the sun fall deeper in the sky as tears rolled down her cheeks. I can see Martha busying herself fetching fresh sheets and water for Lazarus, all the while anxiously expecting Jesus to walk through the door. But Jesus never came. And Lazarus died.

When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Have you ever felt like Jesus didn’t show up when he was supposed to? What do you do when it seems as though Jesus doesn’t care that your heart is breaking?

I’ve been there. I remember laying in bed, as my marriage was literally hamorrhaging – falling apart before my very eyes. Over and over again, I quoted Psalm 29:4. “The voice of the Lord is powerful.” I knew that God created the world with simple commands. If He so pleased, with one word, He could heal my mess of a marriage. He could fix what was broken. But, no break through came. No apology. No restoration. It seemed like Jesus didn’t show up.

You’ve been there. As you watch the pregnancy test says “negative” yet again. When despite every effort, the house gets foreclosed on. When regardless of every prayer, the cancer takes your loved one. Yes, there are times when it feels as if Jesus simply turns his back.

But, the story did not end there for Mary and Martha.

“Where have you put Lazarus?” Jesus asked them. They told him, “Lord come and see.” Then Jesus wept.

These weren’t a few teardrops escaping from the corner of his brown eyes. No, Jesus broke down and uncontrollably wept – shoulders heaving as sobs shook his body. He cried because he felt their pain, their agony, their disappointment and grief. Jesus wept with Mary and Martha over what should have been. He doesn’t sit back and sigh as we endure life’s heartbreaks. No, he weeps with us when we go through life’s valleys – the consequence of a fallen world.

“Lazaruz’ death will become an occasion to show God’s glory by glorifying God’s son.”

With a simple command, Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. You see, there was a greater purpose for Lazarus’ death. There is a greater purpose for your suffering.

“For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it.” Habakkuk 1:5

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being real

I’m not sure why I started blogging, but I know for me writing has been immensely therapeutic.

Surprisingly, some people are actually interested in what I’ve been writing. (Maybe it’s alike to the fascination we have passing a car wreck; every car slows down just to get a glimpse of the mess on the side of the road. My life has been messy this year and I know many people have wondered in awe, “What happened? Is she okay?”)

The comment I keep receiving repeatedly regarding my blog is this: “Jen, I love reading your blog. It’s so REAL.” That comment always perplexes me. It makes me pause in bewilderment; because real is all I know how to be. What benefit would it be to me or anyone else if I pretended as though life was perfect all year? If I pretended I never cried, never got frustrated, never wanted to punch a hole through a wall or pull my hair out.

The more I thought on this, the more I realized why I love the Word of God (and especially the Old Testament) so much. These men and women that I grew up reading about and were the subjects of silly songs in Sunday school and VBS; they are SO real. God doesn’t sugarcoat their lives or their stories. Some of them screwed up royally before they met God, and some of them made a mess of their lives when they knew the difference between right and wrong after they met God.

In a way, these people (that God actually used to do incredible things) were such losers. They were murderers, complete drunks, liars, adulterers, deceivers, filled with pride, impulsive, and sometimes just plain dumb. And I absolutely love it. Because they give us the most powerful thing…hope. If God can make beauty out of their REAL-NESS, He can with ours too.

The people in the Bible didn’t wear masks, and it’s time for you and me to take ours off too. I’ve learned that life is messy. I’ve learned that sometimes the people you love, trust and depend upon the most are often times the very ones to hurt you the worst. I’ve learned that in life, I haven’t always made the right decisions and dealing with the consequences is messy work. But, I refuse to give up on God. Through it all.

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.”

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my engagement pictures


I remember the first time I spoke to him. Laying out at the pool, enjoying life as a recent high school graduate, my cell phone rang. Jeff Mullikin still claims he doesn’t remember quite how he got my phone number, but regardless, that phone call led to friendship which ushered quickly into teenage love. We had so much fun that summer, but August soon came and we headed our separate ways. Jeff to play baseball and study photography at SCAD in Savannah and I began school at Liberty University in Lynchburg. In September, the long distance took it’s toil and after a quick phone call, we split up and wouldn’t speak for six years.

In 2006 I married someone that Jeff once considered his best friend. Four years later, that marriage fell apart. I was left completely broken, hurt and down on myself, with absolutely no idea about my future. Out of no where, Jeff fell back into my life. He had heard about my situation and compassionately reached out to me. We met up for lunch, and then I just couldn’t seem to get him to stop texting me!

Jeff quickly became my best friend, walking me through the hardest experience of my life. Countless times he has let me cry on his shoulder when my situation became too overwhelming. He helped me clean and pack up my old house. And when my pipes busted in the winter and water ran for days, he was there beside me yet again, cleaning up my belongings and wiping my tears.

He has supported me in all of my passions and dreams, coming with me to the AIDS home and sitting through hours of youth band practice. He never forgets to remind me how much he loves me. In such a short time, he has built me back up. He is truly the greatest man that I know (the inspiration for my top ten list) and honestly makes me strive to be a better woman every single day. I trust him wholeheartedly and can tell him anything. He is my rock. Everything that Jesus Christ did to restore me spiritually, Jeff has done physically in my life. When I think of him, I think of Galatians 5:22, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Jeff is all of these things…and so much more.

It is an absolute blessing to spend the rest of my life loving him.

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joplin

I spent Thursday in Joplin, Missouri with a group from Journey Church International. We were there to help with relief efforts – using chainsaws to cut through debris, passing out water and hot food and praying with survivors who were sorting through the wreckage of their homes and possessions. I have literally never seen anything like it. An entire part of the city was just missing – everything leveled. The pictures do not do the massive amount of damage justice, but here’s a look:



For miles and miles, all you could see was debris. Paved driveways led up to a pile of mangled metal and wood where a house once stood.


Entire neighborhoods were just…gone.

The tornado uprooted trees and left them smashed on top of houses and cars.

The wind ripped away walls and peeled back linolium from kitchen and bathroom floors.

We saw cars thrown into houses,

and flipped over.

The “x” meant that the house had been searched for survivors.

Skylar, a five-year old I met who hid in the basement with her mom. This is all that is left of her house. Her mom cried as we prayed with her, just completely overwhelmed emotionally.


The tornado passed straight through the middle of Joplin, taking huge stores with it.



Those in orange are volunteers for Samaritans Purse.  They are some of the first responders anytime a diasaster strikes. They help victims clean up, pray with them, and present them with a Bible. I love this ministry! These volunteers are “normal” people with normal jobs, who pause their lives in a time of need to let victims know they are loved!


The whole experience was so surreal. Experiencing this kind of devastation just puts life into perspective.


“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.Matthew 6:19-20 
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on the other side

“But He NEEDED to go through Samaria.”

Jesus was tired. He had been walking for days, the miles showing in his worn-down sandals and dirty, blistered feet. He slowly sat down next to Jacob’s well. I imagine the sweat trickling down his forehead as he wiped his brow, let out a sigh, and took off one shoe and then the other. Yes, he was fully God, but he was fully man, and after two days of walking, he was beat.

It was the noon – the middle of the day, when the blazing middle eastern sun rode high in the sky. Contrasted against the rays approached a Samaritan woman, balancing her water jar against her hip. While most of the town’s women came to the well before sunrise or after sunset to avoid the heat, she came now. She wanted to avoid the judging glares and hushed whispers from the others. She was no saint. She had already made her way through five different husbands, and was now living with another man. To say she was the town’s skank was no lie.

With a hum on her lips, and her dark locks falling in her face, she busied herself filling the jar. Jesus looked up at her, and calmly spoke.

“Give me a drink.”

The Samaritan woman stopped in her tracks. Her jaw dropped open. In her shock, she spilled some water. Jesus was clearly a Jewish man. And yet he spoke to her, a Samaritan woman! The Jews despised the Samaritans. It was more than a fun-loving high school rivalry. The Jews viewed the Samaritan as half-breeds. They weren’t pure Jews. Years earlier, a group of Jews had intermarried with pagans and produced childrens who were not fully Jews – the Samaritans.

A righteous Jew would not speak to a Samaritan, much less stay at their houses or eat with their utensils. In fact, traveling from Galilee to Judea (as Jesus was doing), a righteous Jew would go out of his way – we’re talking miles out of his way to avoid Samaria all together.

Yet, with one spoken sentence, Jesus smashes through every stereotype and judgment. He cares for this woman. He knows; knows how lost she is; how many regrets she has. He knows that she comes to this well every day, alone. He knows she is the town outcast. He has seen her every tear. He loves her and He wants to offer her…more.

“Those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

With one conversation Jesus changes the woman’s life. Yes, he deals with her sin, but he offers her a greater life – an offer she can’t turn down. Now a new person, she rushes off, forgetting her water jar in the dust. Hours earlier, she kept to herself, but now she runs through town yelling, “Come and see!”

“Many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony.”

What is your Samaria? It’s the place that everyone else would avoid, and if truth be told, you would avoid it at all costs too?

For me, Samaria was this entire year of my life. It was an emotional breakdown in the Applebee’s parking lot; my black tank top and jeans hanging off of me from so much weight loss. I cried as I realized that the wedding vows spoken to me by a man I trusted had been broken. Samaria was packing away over 4 years of memories like packing away photo albums in cardboard boxes. Samaria was a self-built house of humiliation. Samaria was realizing I could not afford my home by myself – constant, never ending financial stress. Samaria was finding a job outside of ministry – to heal and take care of my financial obligations. Samaria was trusting God when I couldn’t see past two feet in front of me.

I’m so glad God doesn’t warn us before tragedy hits. If He did, I would have said, “No way God – I’m not traveling through that.”

Jesus didn’t have to go through Samaria. He could’ve avoided it and went along with the status quo. BUT, there was a woman there waiting for him.There’s a reason – maybe many reasons why I had to go through my “Samaria”. There’s a reason why you have to go through Samaria.

Had I not gone through Samaria, I would not be the woman I am today – stronger, steadfast. Had my life not coming crashing down I would have missed God’s man for me. A man who cherishes me and helps me hold my head up. I would not know the joys of life long friendships with girls who feel more like sisters than friends.

There was someone waiting for Jesus in Samaria and there’s blessing for you there too. I read an article from Samaritan’s Purse today (read it here —> http://tinyurl.com/44qlwbk) and borrowing what one Tornado victim said after her house was blown away, but she rededicated her life to Christ, “I haven’t lost anything. I’ve gained everything.”

The story of the Samaritan woman is my favorite story in the Bible. You can read it in John 4.

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5k Fun

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Last weekend, Kerrisa and I made our way to her hometown of Enterprise, Kansas. Seriously, it is the smallest town I have ever been to in my entire life. Here I had no idea that one of my best friends was from the sticks! It basically looks like this:
A whole lot of…nothin!
Saturday morning…

Me: “Kerrisa, I’m thinking we should probably eat something before the run. You know, like carbs.” 
Kerrisa: “Like DONUTS?!”
Me:”I was thinking more like toast.”

  we were on our way to the run at the glorious time of

the fact that I was even awake at this time on a weekend is straight MIRACLE people, not to mention it was

We battled the elements of boisterous wind, almost-freezing temperatures, aggressive passerby’s, and untied shoelaces in our 5k run. (Okay, the almost freezing tempertatures may have been a bit of a stretch. But it definitely was cold!) Finishing with a time of:
And you should know that it took me at least two second to hit the “stop” button. Not bad for a bunch of girls 🙂
Next up —> The “Night Flight 5k” in Lees Summit. Then we shall try our luck at the 10k and (gulp) a half marathon??? I am not a runner, but I have really enjoyed this new hobby in my life. Especially on those crazy stressful days. It’s a great way to clear the head!
Do you have any good training plans for a half marathon?
P.s. I have a new blog http://www.jenileenicole.com/ – I will switch over soon!

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it is enough

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9But he said to me,”My grace is sufficient for you,  for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

This past Sunday, I was able to read Paul’s blog. Okay, yes, I know that Paul lived in the first century AD and there were no such things as computers and blogs, or even iPhone’s (gasp!). But when I open up 2 Corinthians 12, I feel like I am opening up his personal old, torn up, dusty journal.

Paul struggled with something, and it was something extremely painful. He scribbles down that God gave him a “thorn in the flesh”. We have no idea what that “thorn” was because Paul keeps that detail to himself. Maybe Paul battled a physical sickness. Perhaps Paul’s wife left him after he became a Christian. But, we know that whether it was emotional or physical, it caused Paul deep pain.

And here we see Paul, on his knees, begging God to take this struggle away from him. How many times have you been there? I know I have; where God has allowed something in my life that was so painful and I pleaded with God for him to remove it. We’ve all been there.

“But he said to him.” In the Greek it literally translates as if God was saying,“Paul, this is my final word.” After three times of begging for relief from God, God simply tells Paul that enough is enough. Paul was going to have to endure through the struggle. And the crazy part is – He never gives Paul an explanation for WHY he has to struggle. Can you relate to this? Because I know I can.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have sat down with God in my mind to have the “Why” conversation. And I picture him saying various things:

“Jen, you had to go through the pain of divorce so that you would love and appreciate your future husband in a far greater way.”

“Jen, you had to endure this betrayal and divorce so you would have greater compassion for hurting people.”

“Jen, you had to go through this so we could be close.”

While all of these things are true, God didn’t ever actually tell me WHY I went through what I did. And chances are, He hasn’t told you why you lost your job; why your father died; why you miscarried your baby; why you battle depression.

BUT, while He doesn’t answer our “why” questions, He gives us something even better. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” It’s simple, but it’s true. His grace is enough. His kindness and love is enough to get us through the most severe trail. If He brought you to it, He’ll bring you through it. And don’t ever forget, that God always builds an audience every time you suffer and they are watching you. Suffer well.

In case I haven’t said it on my blog before, I want to be sure to say it now… despite every single tear that was shed, the struggle I faced this past year is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would not take it back for an onslaught of reasons. God is so, so good.

I had an incredible weekend and I am so excited for my future 🙂

This post came from Sunday’s message preached by @Jerry_Johnston

Watch it here –> www.ffc.org

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happy birthday dad!

Today, I thought it would be fitting to blog about my Dad, because it’s his birthday! (Don’t ask me how old he is…) Without question, my Dad has been the greatest spiritual influence in my life. Looking back, these are some of the most profound lessons I have learned from him:

One of my earliest childhood memories (and I really remember it like yesterday) is sitting on the couch in our old house with my Dad, Danielle and Jeremy. I can still hear the dishwasher running in the background as Mom cleaned up the kitchen from dinner. Almost every night my Dad would read us the Picture Bible (we’re talking the Bible, comic book style – very cool to a 6 year old). It wasn’t years of going to church that rooted me into the Word, but those late nights falling in love with stories about giants, parting oceans, and thousands being fed with a little boy’s lunch. My dad never shoved the Bible down our throat, but it’s amazing to me that something as simple as reading the cartoon Bible to a child shaped me into the woman I am today.

In Wichita, as a 7 year-old, I finally understood what salvation was. I realized that nothing I could do would earn me salvation and eternal life with Jesus Christ. I understood that I had to accept Him as Lord and Savior to become a Christian. Guess who was there to explain to me the plan of salvation and pray with me to come to Christ? Dad.

Most of you know that I love music and singing. Every Sunday, I lead the Rock’s youth band, and I get so much enjoyment out of it. In 7th grade, I really started to sing for the first time. I remember trying out for my school’s talent show. I got cut and I was devastated and embarrassed. I never wanted to sing again, and I wanted to leave school early that day. I called my dad (from the PAYPHONE, ha!) and begged him to pick me up. He told me, “No. You’re staying at school. Hold your head high and don’t quit.” Dad probably doesn’t even remember that day, saying those words or making me stay at school, but it could possibly be the greatest lesson he has ever taught me. And he hasn’t just said those words, but he has truly walked his talk in front of me throughout all that he has been dealing with. My Dad taught me to never give up. To stick it out. It began with something as pointless as a 7th grade talent show, but I remembered this moment as I battled through this year.

In high school, before I would leave for school every morning, I would run downstairs and say bye to my Dad. And like clockwork, I would find him in his office either on his knees in prayer or with his nose in the Bible. You see, it’s sometimes the things your parents don’t say that impact you the most. Yes, I’m a pastor’s daughter. No, Dad didn’t lead daily Bible studies every morning or make us take communion before dinner or force us to play Bible Jeopardy. But I did see him grow in the Lord daily. Happy Birthday Dad!

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what love really means

1 Corinthians 13:7 “…love always hopes…”
I’ve obviously been through a lot this year – more than any 25 year-old girl should have to go through, and therefore, I have every “right” to give up on love; and yet, I am still a hopeless romantic! I believe in love so much more now than I ever did before. Movies like Romeo and Juliet, The Notebook, and Serendipity – Oh gosh, like all girls, I love that stuff and eat it up!
Below is a video that I think demonstrates love more than anything I’ve seen before. To me love is so much more than a feeling, but love is a commitment – it’s about sacrifice. The video is narrated by a man named Robertson McQuilkin. Robertson was the president of Columbia International University, a well-known theologian, a speaker in high demand and an author. At the very height of his ministry, he resigned to the chagrin of many. He left to take care of his wife, Muriel, who had been battling Alzheimer’s Disease. This video is Robertson’s resignation speech and it’s touching.
I can remember the countless times my mom has played this at FFC for various marriage retreats and I literally cry everytime I watch it. I heard it again while listening to Holly Furtick’s message from the Elevation Church podcast from their service this past Sunday: 
(watch it here: http://www.elevationchurch.org/sermons )

My mom is one of my greatest role models and when I was twelve years old she challenged me to created a “Top Ten List” of the ten qualities I was looking for in my future spouse. She advised me not to settle for less. (I can’t wait to do this with my future daughter!) Well, I can tell you that after everything I’ve endured, my “Top Ten” list has changed quite a bit. With age and hardship comes maturity. But, I haven’t given up and without a doubt, my future husband posseses these ten qualities:
Okay – I’ll admit it. I cheated a bit. My list actually has fifteen things. Ha!
What’s on your Top Ten List?